A Spiritual Relationship with an Unspiritual Boyfriend

Hope for Those Who Are Looking for “The One”…

I live in a state which is unlike the majority of the other states.  In most of the U.S., people live by the creed, “Live by what is”.  But in California, people often live by the creed, “Live by what’s possible”.  California is known as the state with the “bleeding heart liberals” and land of “New Age spirituality”.  The east coast, where my boyfriend was born, is known as “what is…IS…get over it.”

Thus, describes the schism between my boyfriend and I.

I should’ve known that when he told a noisy, inconsiderate, new age guy in the hot spring pools, “Hey Dickhead…shut the f**k up”…. that would’ve shook my white light being to the core.  I couldn’t tell what caused everyone else to stop breathing in that moment:  The shock to our chakras or the shock of the “Dickhead”.

I have loved many men in my life. My mother used to say to me, “Poor Sabrina…You’re just unlucky in love” just because I didn’t hit a HOLE IN ONE with ONE man for my ONE life.  I would say to her, “Mom…it’s just the opposite.  I’m SO lucky in love…to be able to give and receive love with so many…what a gift that is!”  She winced.  Chinese traditions die hard.

Here I am today.  I judged myself for attracting such a Cro-Magnon man in my life.  I teach about relationships, yet here I am…confounded in this being that now shares my bed.

What I realized is this.  Call it new age rationale or just plain menopausal wisdom:  I attracted him because something in me was calling me to awaken to a wiser, deeper definition of love.  As we fought, loved, lived our lives together, my capacity to love grew so much more.  It wasn’t about finding the love I want, but loving the man that I found.  How many times have we tried and tried to find “the right one”, and each time has been met with disappointment?  I finally stopped the madness, and started opening to Love right now…period.  And you know what?  What I always wanted…was right here in front of me…if only I opened to it…and recognized each “offense” to my spiritual righteousness as a nugget to opening.

Of course, it’s silly to be with a man just for this purpose.  There’s something that has to inspire me to stay.  I’m not a martyr for truth and awakenings.  How many times have I cursed at God saying, “Enough with the lessons, already!  Gimme a break!”  The fact is this:  My partner opens me up more to joy, laughter (my spiritual ego was one serious pin cushion of a person), love, nature, people, experiences, that I have ever had in my life.  I feel lighter, more expansive, and much more loving now than any time in my life.  I can meet life’s challenges with more confidence and trust because of the life I live with him, and I’m more open to others than ever before.  Isn’t that what spirituality is about anyway?

My partner pushes my edges, gets me out of my “enlightened” bubble, and makes me live life…FOR REAL. My relationship no longer espouses trite sayings and concepts for mutual spiritual masturbation, but lays the grit for which grace occurs.  Not to imply that self-prescribed “spiritual” men don’t walk the path of grace…of course they do.  But do they talk about it…or do they actually DO it? I’ve led many workshops, groups, and coached many clients.  On both sides of the net:  there’s a lot of talking…not a lot of doing.  The test:  Are they walking their talk?  With my partner…there is no talk.  There’s just stepping into the mud together, and coming out of it messy, but still committed to each other.  He loves me in all my craziness.  There’s something to be said for that.

This isn’t settling…on the contrary…. Settling, to me, means going with what’s most comfortable even though it’s not what I really want.  I “settled” with some of the “spiritual” men who were my partners.  It was much more comfortable being with a man who was in the same spiritual choir as I.  Doing so chooses a relationship based on my familiar comfort levels and preferred reality, rather than growing into the unpredictable tornado of love, in ALL its convoluted forms.   “Spiritual” men and I thought alike.  We settled into a world of processes, new age volleyball, and non-violent communications.  Not so with my boyfriend.  We are like oil and water.  Our differences create a passionate tussle worthy of Super Bowl proportions.

They say it’s easy to become “enlightened” sitting on a meditation cushion.  Try being in relationship, where the rubber meets the road and the test of where we’re most devoted shows up.  Are we devoted to just getting what we want?  Or are we devoted to opening to what is?

Opening up to what is….is a courageous act that is not just for the spiritual.  It’s for those with a tenacious heart.  My partner has such a heart.

With him, I didn’t fall in love in the typical romantic sense…I found love…for real…what it means to open one’s heart despite our conditioned ways of thinking, loving, and relating.

Or sure, I still get irritated at our differences and tense up like fingernails on a chalkboard.  But it’s like God saying to me now “Can you still love here?  How about here….and here….and here….and here…..?”

So ladies…have hope.  Love doesn’t necessarily come in the shape and form of man you think you want.  Open your heart’s capacity to love …. you’ll be surprised in what your beloved might look like.  Stop waiting.

Can you love here…..and here….and here….and here?

Time will tell what happens between my beloved and I.  In the meantime, I’m loving here.

My mentor, David Deida, describes three stages of love for women (there’s more than that, but for simplicity sake, we’ll talk about three):

  • 1st Stage:  Woman finds love so she feels like a woman.
  • 2nd Stage:  Woman finds love and becomes her own woman.
  • 3rd Stage:  Woman finds that she IS LOVE, in the form of woman.

I aspire to live in the third stage.  Aspire.  The truth is….I’m often in the bardos of all of the stages.  Sound confusing?  Yes…it is.  But it doesn’t have to be.  I hope you take the time to browse my website for more info.

Either that, or wait until menopause.  She’s a much more unrelenting teacher.

25 Responses to A Spiritual Relationship with an Unspiritual Boyfriend

  1. Riikka Rajamaki February 16, 2012 at 4:19 pm #

    Oh my GOD I freakin’ love this! Hits home! Perfect timing. Really love your writing and your new site is HOT! Congratulations! Love, Riikka

    • Sabrina February 16, 2012 at 6:33 pm #

      Thanks so much, Rikki! Yes…it’s been a huge awakening for me, and other women whom I support. They’re actually happier with the guys who don’t claim themselves as “spiritual”, but whom, instead,….JUST SHOW UP w/o a lot of the talk! 🙂

  2. Lisa Page February 17, 2012 at 12:43 am #

    Sabrina…Thank you for being you and for creating this valuable resource for all women.

    As you already know, having been on a spiritual ‘path’ for such a long time myself (probably since I was a child really, being mesmerized by those stain glass dancing in church!!)

    ..I’ve practiced yoga, meditation, lived in an Ashram and even practiced celibacy (despite being married at the time) to ‘use’ my sexual energy for ‘self-realization’ rather than ‘wasting it on just sex’!!! (Dear me!)

    ..Only to realize later that I was, in truth, AVOIDING, what was really in the here and now of my life – my relationship, sex, how I felt underneath the ‘veneer gloss’!!

    I was under the illusion that if I focused only on the ‘Divine’ and avoided anything deemed ‘unholy’ or that that was painful, uncomfortable etc. ..That I’d be OK…But I was forgetting 2 crucial things!

    I’m ALREADY OK! 🙂

    ..And …

    …That the Divine is EVERYTHING..in my sexing, my relationship, my oceanic range of feeling, my life, my bliss, my hardships…..

    ….and NOT just on the meditation mat!!

    I remember David Deida saying to me “I bet your current spiritual practice support all your patters/avoidances perfectly!”

    Ouch!! Yes they were.

    So now, no more avoidance! e.g Now I no longer avoid anger…Instead I am in a committed relationship with a really good man who has promised to piss me off…just so I can practice expressing my anger with open heart! 😉

    My meditation is no longer on the floor in the front of my shrine..it’s my whole life!! It’s not still and quiet and supporting my ‘need’ for everything to be peaceful (AKA ‘OK!’) It’s amidst the anguish, the hurt, the pain, the joy, the love, the celebration, the ENTIRE DANCE OF LIFE!!

    You have been a pivotal part of this new way of living and loving for me..and I honor the woman you are and thank you from the depth of my heart.

    Am looking forward to more sharings from you through this beautiful blog and in all the ways you share your gift.


    Lisa Page

  3. schaw February 17, 2012 at 1:25 pm #

    Hi Lisa,

    Thanks so much for your comments! You are a very wise woman, yourself!! 🙂

    I know what you mean by “avoiding”. Many people use spirituality as an avoidance technique. It feels good doing avoidance this way, especially if you’re surrounded by people who do the same thing.

    I always remember what David once said: There are two ways to enter spirituality (there are many, but these are two he focused on): “Avoiding the bad, and stepping into the good”, or “Stepping into the bad, and opening it into God”. I used to be the former….now, I’m more of the later. Of course, life isn’t just about “good” and “bad”, but I don’t avoid what I used to consider “bad” anymore. My capacity to love is so much deeper and wider, as a result.

    And you are right on, Sister. LIFE is the best meditation we have! And you don’t have to “put aside time” to do it!!

    I love what you said…that you’re in a good, committed relationship with a man who promises to piss you off! I had to laugh at that….I know they don’t intentionally mean to do this, but it’s nice to know that anger can even be used as a portal to openness. As long as violence isn’t used, the energy and possible truth in anger can be such an awakening.

    Love you alot – I look forward to sharing more with you!

    With fierce and tender love,

    • Lisa Page February 22, 2012 at 7:57 pm #

      Thanks gorgeous one. xoxo

  4. Lesa February 17, 2012 at 1:58 pm #

    I can totally relate to your story. My guy isn’t “spiritual” in the same way I am, but he totally gets that life is full of lessons and we’re here to learn them. We don’t always interpret those lessons in the same way, but at least we’re both growing, which is really the most important thing.

    Finding him wasn’t easy. I was married twice — and divorced twice. It wasn’t that we didn’t love each other, it was that we weren’t a good match. If I had it to do over again, I wouldn’t change a thing. Those relationships taught me things that make me a better partner and left me with a deep appreciation for all that my guy brings to our relationship.

    Even with that appreciation, I could so easily have missed out on this amazing man. He seemed to have the qualities that I was looking for, but he is 16 years my junior! I could have let that age difference matter. I’m glad I didn’t. He’s a great guy who accepts me for who I am AND loves me for it. He wants me to be all that I can be and supports me as I struggle and grow to do that. What more can I ask for, really?

    • schaw February 17, 2012 at 5:11 pm #

      Hi Lesa! What you said about, “He’s a great guy who accepts me for who I am AND loves me for it. He wants me to be all that I can be and supports me as I struggle and grow to do that. What more can I ask for, really?” is so right on.

      Knowing our deepest longing…to be loved just as we are, is truly a good barometer for relationship. If you found someone who loves you just the way you are….Damn….that’s sexy!!

      And you’re right….age is just…well…age. I used to say to my mother, who questioned my choice in younger partners, “Mom, I need someone a lot younger than me to keep up with my energy!” Of course, now I’m with a man who’s several years older than me, but he actually has more energy than me! Again…you never know….

      Sounds like you have a great man. No wonder….he’s got a great woman.

      Thank you for commenting – I look forward to hearing more of the wisdom you’ve shared in this blog!


  5. CS February 17, 2012 at 3:10 pm #

    This really spoke to me, Sabrina! Thank you for putting words to something so important and yet so unacknowledged. I too have found love in the less likely of places and though he and I don’t share a meditation cushion or a yoga mat, we share something much more impenetrable- a love that resides deep in the core, in that wordless space where expectations and formulas have no home, only truth. That is what we’ve found, and every day reveals brand new ways to bring me there.

  6. schaw February 17, 2012 at 5:48 pm #

    Beautifully said, CS. Finding and living our truth TOGETHER, both as individuals and as a couple, is perhaps the hardest thing to do in relationship, while being in relationship. It is in relationship, where we’re challenged the most. Life becomes your yoga mat. Congratulations on doing good partner yoga together!

    I’ve been in “spiritual communities”, where “unspiritual” men were dissed. They weren’t considered one of the “peeps”. Yet, isn’t spirituality about finding the Oneness in this crazy world we live in? It always puzzled me as to how much some “spiritual” folks patted themselves on the back so much, and yet when it came to embracing and opening their hearts to others not like them, they became the most egocentric folks I knew (again…me, being one of them). Spirituality = No Ego. Go figure…

    Again, not all “spiritual” people are like this. But just the fact they call themselves “spiritual” is a label that creates separation in itself.

    Thanks for your thoughtful comments!


  7. chris February 17, 2012 at 7:17 pm #

    Beautifully written and deeply thought provoking. As first a recovering Catholic, and now recovering New Age/Spiritual person. I can fully relate. Just today I had a talk with your ex.about how refreshing it was to spend time with “your Guy”..As he is Genuine, down to earth, thoughtfully attentive, and warm hearted.We both sung his praises. He embodies a masculine energy that I had either suppressed or is naturally more subdued. Either way it feels like a good thing to have relationship be a natural balancing factor. I look forward to more time spent not just talking but playing music etc.
    As my journey is leading me to true self acceptance which means acceptance of everyone else, I am allowing my suppressed characteristics more room. Which means not avoiding people who seem different but sensing the deeper connection that is always there.
    And Sabrina, you walk your talk, I am blessed to have you in my life.

  8. schaw February 17, 2012 at 10:34 pm #

    Hi Chris,

    Thank you so much for your comments. You’re the first guy who has responded to the article, and it means alot to me that you did. 🙂

    Your humility and journey to self acceptance is truly an inspiration. I remember the days where doubt and darkness were ubiquitous speed bumps that compelled you onto roads that overshadowed the gifts that you have…the gifts that you are. And now, you are walking a lighter path, and it feels really good. 🙂

    I am blessed to have you in my life, as well. If it were not for you, my road to health and a whole new career might’ve never taken place. And I did it not because you suggested it, but because I trusted you. You walked your talk…you learned….you applied….and you never gave up hope. It was that hope that gave me hope and it was your testimonial about nutrition that steered me in that direction. Thank you.

    And thank you for your comments about Gary. Yes, he’s a great guy…in so many ways…

    And YES to more celebration…whether that be through music, culinary delights, or good company!

    Much love,

    • chris February 24, 2012 at 9:47 pm #

      Thank you Sabrina, for your positive feedback and sharing. Your words are eloquent and inspiring. It is interesting how friends being who they are are a part of the flow of each of our seemingly individual journeys.
      I am filled with the sense of the interconnectedness of us all who happen to be sharing the same ride. I am also, blessed to share this ride with you.

      Love and appreciation for your wisdom and spunk,

  9. Brianna Mitchell (soon to be Dias) February 18, 2012 at 10:11 am #


    Thank you for such a beautiful article. As someone who five years ago in your amazing women’s group made the statement that I thought I had learned all I needed to learn solo, and I felt like I was ready for a “third stage relationship” and then after doing the technique Sabrina gave me, two weeks later when I came back to the women’s group I was glowing from having attracted this incredible man, who although he has all the true character qualities that I required, integrity, openness, honor, great father, truly sees me and allows me to be me fully and completely, he is also a “non-spiritual man” who loves his white bread and spam, still uses cigarettes, and is brutally blunt on many occasions. We have shared moments of ecstatic bliss and intense soul connection I have never shared with another being on this earth, and he has also brought out such a rage in me that I never knew even existed before, as well as frustration of the highest order.

    When I started school for Hypnotherapy, he jokingly referred to it as Voodoo school, when I told him my son was diagnosed with a wheat allergy, he ranted about how that was all new age crap and he did not really have an allergy, yet when I have been on the floor sobbing for an unknown reason, or other times I have exposed to him all my darkest, scariest parts he just stands there in awe, support and full love. We speak a different language most of the time, yet I have grown in my “spirituality” in leaps and bounds in the five years we have been together, in a way that a partner who was a mirror of me, would have never inspired.

    Sabrina, thank you for this wonderful article heralding our “non-spiritual” men, as I am two months away from marrying mine I love this reminder of the perfection of our imperfections.

    • Sabrina February 22, 2012 at 12:33 pm #

      Hi Brianna,

      What a wonderful testimonial to your dedication to something deeper than your own preferences. Thank you. Tom sounds like a good man, and I really look forward to meeting him someday. Your own path to inner richness is truly an inspiration.

      Yes, there’s nothing that tests our “spirituality” than one who does not espouse the same. We realize everyone has their own beliefs, and the purpose of relationship is to find love in all its forms…in each other…in the world. And that includes one who speaks a different language than us.

      Thanks for your heartfelt comments, Beautiful.


  10. Shelly February 18, 2012 at 11:29 am #

    Sabrina, this is fracking awesome. I am so thrilled to see you putting the rubber to the road by declaring to all of us your (undeniable) stand for love, exposing with great humor and grace the terrain of your relationship and the God-ness of it, and stepping into your lived experience as the grist and the gold. Well done. Can’t wait to read the post about menopause. ;))

    • schaw February 22, 2012 at 12:36 pm #

      Ooooooooooooooh….that felt SOOO good, Luscious! THANK YOU! You were a big part of my sisterhood for stepping into the terrain!

      And yes…stay tuned for my post about menopause. It may be a few posts down the road…but it is coming!!!

      Love you,

  11. Tara February 23, 2012 at 8:20 am #

    Beautiful, Radiant Sabrina!!!! I am so excited to see your site. FANTASTIC!!! I definitely read your message at the perfect time. Teetering on the brink if leaving a man because it isn’t comfortable most of the time and he is so not like any man I’ve ever been in relationship with. Torn between giving it all up because I feel so unfulfilled in this relationship, so completely unmet where I’m at. Perhaps it isn’t because he isn’t the right guy, maybe it’s because I am closed off to love. It used to be I radiated love but now, I feel like my heart is so hardened and dead. Maybe I’ve been hurt one too many times and just can’t cut through the barrier that has built up around my heart. All I know is I am drowning in a pool of loneliness and dispair and just want to feel the love that used to make me feel so ALIVE!!! Love to you dear Sabrina, Tara

    • Sabrina March 5, 2012 at 12:31 pm #

      Dear Tara,

      Thank you for sharing what’s so tender in your life right now. Like you, I’m in a relationship with a man who is unlike any other man I’ve been with in an intimacy. It has been quite a journey to feel “met”, as you say. It seems to be a never-ending struggle because it’s a never-ending longing that we have. I’m convinced, after being in many relationships for over 40 years now, and after taking countless workshops, therapies, talks, reading books, talking to experts, etc., that we will never feel fully met. That’s because our need to be met comes from a very young place…a very deep place, that even we, as adults do not fully comprehend. So we pick a partner, who attracts us on one level, but almost always has the traits that most repel us later on. They repel us because they trigger in us the young parts that never got our needs met.

      I have been with men…spiritual men…who seemed like perfect partners for me. They had a lot of the qualities I thought would make me happy. You know the rest of the story…

      So, I come back full circle. It comes back to me. You hit the nail on the head. It comes back to being open to Love – not protecting our hearts and not focusing the offense of not being met…but truly being open to being met. Knowing what that feels like…knowing our deepest yearnings….embodying it so we recognize it, and invite it into our lives.

      Your relationship may not be right for you. But as one of my mentors, Sofia Diaz, told me: “Never break up in anger…never break up when out of love”. Sounds confusing, doesn’t it? Why would we walk away when we’re still in love with someone? It’s not until we have the discernment through love do we have the discerning wisdom to make the right decision. Otherwise, it’s just a reaction, and we go on repeating the
      same patterns in other relationships over and over again.

      I send you much love as you go through this period in your life. Yes, go out and feel all the things that help you come alive…your children…nature..the sun….laughter…the breeze on your face…the smell of scrumptious food….the preciousness of someone saying “Thank You”…all that and more. Drink it all in. Let Love imbue you, buoy you up…Let it in again, one moment at a time, in its most subtle forms. Let your heart recognize the texture of openness you yearn, and then you can make a decision from there. From openness…from the Tara you know yourself to be, and truly are.

      Much love,

  12. Karla February 26, 2012 at 8:08 pm #

    Dearest Sis,
    Your website is luscious just like you, and this blog feels so good to read. You know your adopted brother-in-law…my hubby. We are so different. Like two puzzle pieces fitting together which makes our team really strong but has had me feeling lonely, misunderstood and “less than” many times as I compare myself to him. Standing in my own self, acknowledging my gifts and honoring our differences has been big work for me these 14 years together.
    When cancer came knocking on my door in October 2010, I realized that I had finally done well at picking a life mate (my 3rd try). He was so “there” for me during those weekly chemo treatments. Solid. Believing in my surgeon, oncologist, and my ability to heal. And I am fine now.
    Thank you for this blog. And please tell Gary again that I went from liking him a lot to loving him after I read what he said in that mega pretentious hot springs pool. Wow.
    Love forever and so proud of you,
    Your Adopted Sis

  13. Sabrina March 5, 2012 at 12:41 pm #

    Dear Sis,

    You walk your talk. These past 14 years have been an inspirational testimonial to what is possible in love. You held your feet to the fire, and rose through it….not only through your relationship, but through cancer, as well. WOW. I bow down to your courage, tenacity, and humility. You’re amazing.

    When a guy is “there” for us…to me, that speaks volumes. How many times have we been in relationships with men and they dissed themselves or left because they “couldn’t take” our emotions, our differences, our unpredictable selves? When they’re “there” for you, I like to believe it’s because they stand in the face of Love, and let their heart ache through the possibility of death, grief, and yes…even joyful revelation in the mutual vulnerability that we live as humans. Now, that’s what I call A MAN.

    I love you,

  14. Zizou November 7, 2012 at 10:12 pm #

    I am an unspiritual man in deep love and a relationship with a spiritual woman.

    My girlfriend is amazing. Totally amazing. I do not mind that she is spiritual at all, meditation, yoga, feel-good stuff, all good. However, I do mind it when she gets into a sort of “spiritual bubble” where she avoids difficult matters by attempting to ignore them (according to her spiritual practice) rather than dealing with them openly and other things that seem too far off from reality.

    How can I help her to open up and realize that she does not need ALL that spirituality, that she in fact is OK?

    • Sabrina Chaw November 28, 2012 at 11:22 pm #

      Hi Zizou. Thank you for your heart-felt question and thoughts.

      You are right on about the “spiritual bubble”. Sometimes spirituality is used as a shield from getting into the difficult mud of life. I used to do that, myself, until I realized how closed I really was whenever I was in an unfamiliar place or uncomfortable situation. Imposing “positiveness” via my then-spiritual practice was too dogmatic and I felt I was pushing away the shadow parts of me that were crying for a voice.

      For your girlfriend – It sounds like she DOES need “all that spirituality” for a reason. It may not be for a good reason, but it’s her reason. When people rely on anything, including spirituality, to “get along”, they in fact, DO NOT feel okay. They need spirituality to feel ok. She needs that as a grounding cord right now, and unless you’re willing to gently guide her, as her masculine partner, to waters she is afraid of, she will continue to rely on her spiritual practices. Yes, you and I can see through all that. But it’s a blindspot to her, and quite frankly, it doesn’t sound like her heart is courageous enough…trusting enough…to do otherwise. Are you willing to show her unwavering love when she drops the spiritual shield? In other words, when she gets angry, pissed off, jealous, sad beyond belief….will you still stick by her, be present with her, help be her spine when she feels afraid….?

      You can try talking her out of it, but as a feminine being, she needs to trust YOU before entertaining the idea you are trying to advocate. And the way to do that is through her heart…through the strength of your character…through the commitment of your love. Then, perhaps she can dip her toes in the unfamiliar waters, with you by her side. Then, at some point, she can let go, swim in the deeper seas…gently softening her edges, making life as her yoga, versus depending on spiritual practices outside of her.

      Then, she’ll open her eyes anew…see that she IS okay…and gaze upon your eyes…feeling that “Yes…I AM okay…”

      Hope this makes sense. You sound like a wonderful partner, and you’re a good complimentary match for each other. You can learn a lot from each other, which I’m sure you’ve noticed by now.

  15. Ishtar January 16, 2013 at 8:26 am #

    Wow. Food for thought. Thank you.

  16. MacKenzie March 20, 2013 at 9:14 am #

    Thank you for sharing your experience with this situation. I felt like it was speaking directly to me and my wonderful, analytical, and extremely left-brained man. Your thoughts about those who “talk the talk” and those who WALK it are spot on. I was married to a very “new-agey” man for 11 years who spent a lot of time talking about how open, authentic and kind he was, while he verbally abused and controlled me behind closed doors. My current boyfriend is the real deal, even though he cringes whenever I talk about things like intuition or our Buddha-nature 😉 But he walks the walk. Thank you for putting his beauty in perspective.

  17. Kellyen May 10, 2013 at 12:51 pm #

    Wow! I absolutely love this. It really hits home for me and I read this at the perfect time. I was on Google when I stumbled upon this blog post. During a time when I’m getting ready to be baptized, I am so happy to have found a post that truly speaks to the spiritual women dealing with a less-than-spiritual man. I’ve been with my partner for more than five years now but sometimes I feel so spiritually disconnected- we attend different churches, our discussions rarely go much deeper than what did we do today and, it just makes my heart sink to the bottom. But after reading this I realize, loving someone who is the exact reflection of me is easy, but love is never truly easy. He is a man of God but we practice in very different ways. He’s logical. I’m intuitive. He’s practical, I’m more emotional. He has more walls up than I do, and I’m like an open book. We’re also like oil and water, yet we mesh so well together in a lot of ways and he provides balance in my life. Sometimes I still wonder if I’m settling or not, or if I need to find someone who I can have that stronger emotional connection with; Thanks for this wonderful post! This is the first time I’ve ever responded to something online– that’s how moving this was 🙂