My Mom passed away unexpectedly almost two years ago. I miss her a lot and I think of her every day. We had a good relationship, but typical in the mother-daughter conflicts that would often come up regarding relationships, marriage, children, and career. They say hindsight is 20-20, and I’ve learned some important lessons after her death. If you experience any tension between you and your Mom, and old habits of relating often get in the way, the following tips might help you (and her) in celebrating Mother’s Day with more ease, appreciation, and authentic celebration:
- See her as a woman first…and as a mother second. At the heart of every woman, is the core of who she is in her deepest desires. The roles that we play in life are secondary to our divine roles as Love. This doesn’t mean forget the fact that she’s your Mom. It just means appreciate what you both have in common: If we connect deeply with the mutuality of who we are as women….women who long to give and receive love…women who long to be seen just for who we are with all our foibles….then we can feel gratitude for our similarities, and feel compassion for our differences. Often, I was too busy subconsciously individuating myself from my mom, trying to claim my independence (even at the age of 50), that I couldn’t heed her need to be understood and embraced. In the end, she passed away, and I’ll never know if she felt understood or embraced. Had I felt her tender heart as a woman, rather than let our conflicts affect me, then I would find comfort in knowing that she left this earth feeling loved.
- Give yourself the experience you’ve missed as a child. For example, let’s say you’ve never really felt safe in this world. Invariably, you’ve probably had a hard time feeling safe as a child. Unfortunately, we can never correct the past, but we can help heal our hurts via the present. This is where having a circle of supportive girlfriends really come in handy. Have one of them help give you that feeling of safety (or whatever you felt was missing in your childhood experience). This might mean holding you and assuring you with words of care and love while you get to experience what safety feels like. Let yourself feel what it feels like to feel safe. You will start to embody feelings you’ve longed for through letting yourself experience what was missing. Sooner or later, you won’t be so triggered by what your Mom “didn’t give you” and you’ll be able to appreciate her more in the present, rather than being dogged by the past. Let the gift of other feminine energies (your friends) support you, and let yourself receive.
- Pamper yourself first before you pamper your Mom. This may seem obvious, but I cannot emphasize it strongly enough. Letting yourself feel nourished, supported, and nurtured allows your heart and body to open, and permit more openness to occur between you and your Mom. Celebrating your Mom may be easy for some…for others, it’s not. The more you allow your feminine being to be filled with expansive breath, sensory delight, and flow of feeling, the more you become in alignment with your womanly wisdom. Your wisdom will then be the compass of how you relate to your Mom, in a deeper, more authentically loving way.
There are numerous other tips that can help you celebrate Mother’s Day with your Mom. The ones I mention above are the ones that came to me strongly as I was feeling my Mom’s from afar these past few days. Above all, know that you are loved….whether your Mom is with you or not. My Mom is no longer with me, but I feel her love…always…and that makes me smile.